LYONOPOLY
By: Inara | June 12th, 2007
Game time!!!
Because I’m bored, here are the latest rumors compressed into a game of monopoly.
Participants: Lyon, Barcelona, Liverpool, Juventus, Chelsea, Lille, Milan, Werder Bremen, and Bayern Munich
Purpose: To get to the Champions League final by making the best transfers.
Lyon: Good afternoon, everybody! I’ll be your banker today. Please roll your dice so we can determine who goes first.
(everyone rolls, Milan get the highest number).
Chelsea: How about I buy that “6″ off you?
Lyon: Chelsea, we haven’t gotten to that part yet. Anyway, go ahead and roll, Milan.
Milan: (lands on Cris, €15million). I’ll buy him. Here’s €15million.
Lyon: That’s €20million.
Milan: But the price says €15million.
Lyon: Inflation, duh. If you’re worried about your budget, you have ten days to convince Claudio Cacapa that Italy is the place for him.
Barcelona: (lands on Eric Abidal, €15million).
Lyon: €20million.
Barcelona: That’s ridiculous.
Lyon: He’s a French international. Experience counts, you know.
Barcelona: How about I offer you Javier Saviola in exchange?
Lyon: How about I offer you a Go to Jail card?
Liverpool: (lands on Chance, misses next turn).
Juventus: *snickers* Liverpool don’t know how to take chances.
Werder Bremen: (lands on Alou Diarra, €6million). Lyon, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll sell you Miroslav Klose, and in exchange, you can give me Alou Diarra and €10million.
Milan: What’s wrong with Klose ?
Bremen: Klose no longer wants to stay with me, and I just can’t afford to keep him.
Bayern: He wants to live on my block. You might as well sell Klose to me.
Bremen: Fuck off.
Chelsea: (lands on Karim Benzema, €25million).
Lyon: €50million.
Chelsea: This is why I hate playing in France. Luxury taxes.
Barcelona: I don’t see why you bother, Lyon. We all know you won’t make it to the final. You always get a Go to Jail card during the quarterfinals.
Lyon: Just for that, I’m adding an extra €5million on the next player you want to buy.
Lille: (ends up in jail) Crap.
Lyon: If you give me Mathieu Bodmer and Kader Keita, I’ll get you out of jail.
Lille: You already own most of France’s best players. You can’t have all of them!
Lyon: Sure I can. That’s why the game is called Lyonopoly. I’ll give you €16million for Keita, which is close to market value, and €8million for Bodmer.
Lille: €25million for my two best players?!?!?
Lyon: I get a discount for being French. (lands on David Trezeguet, €15million). I’ll buy him off you, Juventus.
Juventus: Pfft. Dream on. You can’t afford his yearly wages. (lands on Tiago). But I’ll tell you what. I’ll buy Tiago.
Milan: I want Tiago!
Barcelona: Me too!
Chelsea: Me Three!
Bremen: Chelsea, you’re such a dumbass. You sold Tiago to Lyon, remember?
Chelsea: Oh, right. Then how about Florent Malouda?
Liverpool: But that’s who I wanted! God, stop stealing everyone else’s targets!
Arsenal: Actually, Malouda is mine.
Liverpool: You’re not even in the game!
Arsenal: It’s called having French connections.
Bayern: (lands on Free Parking, collects the extra cash). Yesssss.
Juventus: Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that Bayern is playing with us? They won’t even be in the Champions League next year!
Bayern: Neither is Lille. Anyway, I have money to spend. Let’s see…I’m going to get Klose whether Bremen like it or not, I already got Ribery and Luca Toni…hmm…I wouldn’t mind Alou Diarra. How about it, Lyon? I’ll swap Roy Makaay for him.
Lyon: How about I just give you Sidney Govou for free?
Bayern: No thanks. I wouldn’t want to deprive Fenerbahce.
Milan: (lands on Coupet, €14million). Since I can’t get Buffon…
Lyon: Sorry, he’s not for sale. He just renewed his contract.
Barcelona: (lands again on Abidal, €15million). How does €9million sound?
Lyon: That’s how much Abidal’s backup is worth.
Barcelona: How about €9million for Abidal, plus a jersey signed by Ronaldinho and my half-eaten cookie?
Liverpool: Did anyone ever tell you that you have the shrewd negotiation tactics of a belligerent child?
Barcelona: Did anyone ever tell you that you don’t have any negotiation tactics whatsoever?
Liverpool: Just wait until our negotiation tactics land us Eto’o.
Barcelona: You’ll just end up with Diego Forlan.
Lyon: If you two keep this up, next time I’ll invite Real Madrid and Manchester United instead.
Category: 
Tags: AC Milan, Alou Diarra, Arsenal, Barcelona, Bayern Munich, Champions League, Chelsea, David Trezeguet, Eric Abidal, Florent Malouda, Gregory Coupet, Just for Fun, Juventus, Lille, Liverpool, Lyon, Miroslav Klose, Monopoly, Player News and Rumors, Roy Makaay, Tiago, Transfers, Werder BremenSubscribe
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Comments
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Very very clever, I enjoyed it. Though probably more if I had a clue how to play monopoly. It didn’t come with directions.
Posted from
United States
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You don’t know how to play monopoly???? It’s the best game ever.
Posted from
United States -
Blame it on a misspent youth.
Posted from
United States -
Clever and humorisitc ! All that I Like !!
Thank you very much fort this good time to read you !Posted from
France -
lol , very funny , nice one !
Posted from
France -
Awsome!
Lyon is a very attractive market place
Posted from
France -
Lol Humorous and realistic. Well Done.
Posted from
France -
Hmm, so basically if it was not for Auluas, Lyon would be picked apart by other European teams. Thank god he is in charge and thinks he is one of the big boys and wont sell his players off to the competition, plus we arent in need of money.
Ohhh, and dont think i didnt see the Govou snipe. He will stay, trust me, playing in Turkey is like playing in Holland.
Posted from
United States -
I’m glad you guys liked it! And I’m doubly pleased to see so many French readers
And yes, I agree, I think Aulas playing hardball is what’s keeping Lyon from becoming another Monaco. In fact, I think he’s doing this just to let the world know that Lyon is no longer a selling club. If he doesn’t get the prices he wants, he won’t sell.
Posted from
United States -
Hysterical. My parents AND my mother-in-law are visiting this week, so I needed the laugh.
Posted from
United States -
Hilarious! Especially the bits about Chelsea wanting everyone, and about Lyon with insane prices. The Liverpool-Barcelona argument was funny too.
I’m not that familiar with Lyon (MLS fan here), but even I’d heard of their sky high asking fees!
Posted from
United States -
Ha ha ha and if you have all the french NT players taxes are even higher ?
Posted from
United States -
Eh eh, your blog has been linked to on the Olympique Lyonnais official discussion board.
Brilliant post ! Bookmarked.Posted from
United States -
Very funny!
As a very big fan of european football(or should I say soccer?)I can tell how close to reality it is.
Nice job, see you for a Ligue1 match soon!
Posted from
France -
Oh wow, it was linked at the OL forums? I’ll have to check it out. I visit the forums every other day or so as it’s a great way to check out the latest news and gossip. I would love to actually participate, but I can barely write French. I can barely read it, either. High school French lessons were so long ago.
And Spaceman, I’d love to be an OL match. Too bad I’m across the ocean at the moment. Though I’m going to see if I can go there during late fall and catch a CL game at the Gerland.
Posted from
United States -
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Thanks for the link!
Some of the posters bring up a lot of interesting points. It’s true that right now, football (soccer) is not even in the top five most popular sports here, but it’s growing in popularity. The thing here is the most people like to play it, but due to the difficulty in watching games (you have to subscribe to special channels for a handful of football games), unless it’s the World Cup, European football is mainly only watched by those of us who have a specific interest in it, but not the average person.
Posted from
United States -
The Frenchies loved it Inara, although I shouldnt be derogatory, they are fellow supporters of OL.
Posted from
United States -
what can i say but “inara rox!!!” this was too funny… a link on olweb? whoah, get outta here!
btw i’m a BIG monopoly fan… those who say it takes too long just need to look in the mirror… it’s not the game that’s slow, it’s YOU! like 75% of the human race, you’re a gastropod in disguise. four real players can do the normal (long) version in 60 minutes.
but that still doesn’t make it the greatest game in the world… if you don’t know mille bornes, you don’t know squat.
Posted from
France -
haha lol very funny and accurate
Posted from
China -
Welcome, Guignol! It’s good to see you here.
Mille Bornes…is that sold here in the US? I don’t recall seeing it before, but I’ll keep an eye out. I adore board games (my friends and I get together once every few weeks to play cutthroat monopoly
).Posted from
United States -
I just read the entire thread on the OL forum. Too funny, particularly the discussion on how seriously to take your “one of 3 OL supporters in the US” comment.
You have arrived, m’dear.
Posted from
United States
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