Gross. More Tommy Smyth.
By: Inara | December 5th, 2007
This is a good week to be a French football fan. ESPN, America’s Premiership ass licker, will be broadcasting both Marseille vs. Liverpool and Rangers vs. Lyon.
Yes, that’s right. Back to back live coverage of not just one but two French football teams.
Ordinarily, I’d be thrilled. Living in the US affords us with very few opportunities to see our beloved team on TV, and even then, the games are on tape delay. So this is a rare treat.
But the most horrible thing you could ever imagine has happened. Astute reader Ronald recently informed us that the devil, otherwise known as Tommy Smyth in his earthly form, will be one of the commentators.
Smyth will be co-hosting Rangers vs. Lyon with his sidekick, Derek Rae, who is slightly less stupid and slightly less evil. But only just.
So now I’m faced with a dilemma. I want to listen to the audience during the game, but that means I would have to put up with the shit that will be spewing from Smyth’s mouth (because that is just so visually appealing).
But if I want to save my sanity, I will have to watch what will probably be one of the most exciting games of the CL group stages on mute. My only other option is to watch the game on my computer by either forking over $8 to Setanta (and listening to their sickeningly pro-Rangers commentary) or depending on an unreliable sopcast steam with deafening Chinese commentary (which won’t offend me because I don’t understand Chinese).
Dammit. Few things in this world bother me as much as Tommy Smyth. He’s the worst commentator ever. He’s Mr. Lyon-Have-No-Chance-Because-Rangers-Rule-the-World. He believes that Barry Ferguson pisses all over Juninho. He expected that Stuttgart would teach Lyon a thing or two about being champions. He claims that France don’t know anything about bulges in the auld onion bag.
He’s just SO DAMN ANNOYING. I can’t believe that ESPN considers him a serious soccer analyst. His credentials in the sports broadcasting world is a PHD, for Piled Higher and Deeper.
He needs to be tied to a goal post for Juninho to practice his free kicks on, with Smyth’s mouth as the target. Given Juninho’s accuracy, that would shut up Tommy Smyth big time.
Category: 
Tags: Broadcasting, Champions League, ESPN, Evil, Lyon, Stupidity, Team News and Rumors, The Devil, Tommy SmythSubscribe
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Comments
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Probably the funniest post in the history of this site.
Posted from
United States
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You have to think of it like this Inara: It’ll be that much sweeter listening to him, try to explain how the rangers are trailing 3-0 at halftime.
Posted from
France -
Tommy Smyth is pretty funny though. I remember one game where he was arguing about the different smiths/smyths in the world and the different ways of spelling smith.
Posted from
United States -
I think ESPN should perform a coup and get Ray Hudson from GolTV. He says ridiculously hilarious things all day.
I very much enjoy all of your ballsy posts, keep up the good work!
Posted from
United States -
First off, it’s not like the Liverpool-Marseille match is meaningless.
As for Smyth, why don’t you just turn the sound off? I do. Hearing him caterwaul about how great Peter Crouch is (he’s not), criticizing Rafa’s tactics (compare their resumes… ha), and undermining Steven Gerrard’s performances (he must think he’s French with that last name) makes me wish Tommy Smith would come across the pond and kick his teeth in.
Posted from
United States -
ewwww.
Posted from
United States -
look at those pudgie fingers. they’re like bratwursts.
Posted from
United States -
…and you know what they say about men with short fingers.
Posted from
United States -
EVERYBODY LOOK AT THE NEW BAYER MUNICH AWAY JERSEYS (AKA LYON AWAY JERSEY)!!
http://www.foxsoccershop.com/688148-bk.html
Posted from
United States -
Yeah, he often signs off with “…and Tommy Smyth, with a y.” Someone should tell him that no one cares and he can stuff that “y” up his ass.
Brian, both matches are very meaningful and will decide CL qualification. Additionally, both home sides only need a draw. However, ESPN always show matches with at least one English side no matter how pointless or boring they are. Of course that’s because they are catering to their audienc, but those of us who aren’t EPL fans are hard done by ESPN. And if Gerrard wants to get some Tommy love, he’s going to have to chance his name to McGerrard.
Also, I would mute it but watching a game in silence is eerie. It doesn’t feel like football if I can’t hear the stadium feed.
Lefutur, that’s extra gross!
Posted from
United States -
Yeah, I’ve seen those. I know a long time ago in the past, Bayern used to have black kits, so maybe they are trying to to a vintage thing. But umm, there was no need to replicate Lyon’s design (home and third combined basically).
Posted from
United States -
hey. im just sayin’. could explain his ‘not so great’ personality.
Posted from
United States -
I hate hime, ESPN’s commentary team, whether its CL or MSL, is pitiful. Ray Hudson would be nice, I watched the English broadcast of the Canal + transmission of Lyon-Strasbourg on a stream and it had two excellent commentators on it. They did Fox Sports Worlds French Sunday night game way back a few years ago. I have a further problem with this game, which is its on ESPN2 which is a normal cable channel, but for some reason on campus ESPN 2 is blacked out and has been for a month. A pity, I havent seen Lyon play on TV in 2 years…
Posted from
United States -
lol, my name is in the post….coool !!!, anyway, back to what i said before when i learned of this. Its Horrible having to hear him talk about Lyon during the highlight shows, but now he will be commentating….( Deep Breath ).
i usually try watching sopcast links for Lyon games ( because i live in New York – which is a Football enigma in itself, and im very limited with my Direct tv channels ), so im gonna have to watch it via ESPN 2, probably with my headphones on ( except if Lyon score, which i hope they do many times)
All i can really do is pray Lyon are up 3 – 0 at half time ( like someone said before me ), maybe we can hear Tommy Squirming on air like he did when Celtic were scored upon by Milan yesterday ( not really squirming, but silence…………sweet sweet silence )Posted from
United States -
I would love to listen to Ray Hudson comment on a Lyon match. That would be so hilarious.
It’s funny, but most of the time, I don’t really care about the commentary. I actually like listening to it because I have a short attention span, and it’s hard for me when games are silent. It’s actually kind of boring. But for some reason, Tommy Smyth is the exception. I would rather listen to Victoria Beckham talk about herself.
Posted from
United States -
“I would rather listen to Victoria Beckham talk about herself.”
“Enorme”, like I say in french !! so funny !
About Tommy, if he doesn’t like Steven Gerrard, that might be because of Gerrard Houllier, a “french guy” who found Steven at Liverpool. The story say that he was looking for a RW, in Liverpool reserve, and he saw Steven played… He forgot his RW, and said to Steven “Tomorrow, you train with the Pro Team”.
About the game if you want to listen to the audience without hearing Devil Tommy, you can watch on tv with the sound of french radio RMC INFO.
I really like the way they comment the match. For sure , it will be in french, but you have to train for the moment you will come here !
And I’m sure you understand french much better than chinese.
You’ll can hear the commentory on http://www.rmc.frPosted from
France -
Jo, thanks, I prefer commentary in foreign languages (barring Chinese) because it improves my linguistic skills and it makes my room mates think im cultured, hahah.
Posted from
United States -
i listen to a lot of games on rmc.fr. guignol seems to think that they go off on tangents too much and forget to talk about whats happening on the field but its not that bad. they’re actually kind of funny.
Posted from
United States -
ESPN is just using logic and marketing analysis to best benefit themselves when choosing a match. The United States is predominantly an English speaking country and therefore the clubs from England are most easily identified with. On top of that you have to consider who would be watching these games at that time of day. I’d guess white college-aged males and football fanatics of all ages and walks-of-life are the highest demographics. Most Hispanics, at least the ones I know, are into Central and South American teams, not European, though they do show some affinity for Spanish sides. You also have to consider that Liverpool and Man U, the two sides shown most one Champions League days, are owned by Americans and that Chelsea has a marketing deal with Disney who owns ESPN. They use muppets a Muppet like Tommy Smyth because he has an accent and sound smart, though those of us who actually take the time to apply our brain cells to the game know better. In other words, Inara, if you don’t like it, move to France! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Posted from
United States -
Yeah, its why I watch all my Real Madrid games listening to La Sexta and Andres Montes. If you want to hear, Ryan wrote a drinking game down involving him, the second embedded video is Montes during the Italy-Germay WC semi. http://sevilla.theoffside.com/team-news/the-extraordinary-ray-hudson-la-liga-drinking-game-look-out.html
Posted from
United States -
I just might listen to RMC. I can understand the gist of French commentary, and Jo is right, I have to improve my French since I’m going to be visiting there in a few months.
Brian, I know ESPN is doing the logical thing. It’s for the same reason that ESPN deportes will show games that feature any Spanish players (that’s why I’m all for getting a North American onto Lyon’s bench…). It’s just disappointing sometimes when they broadcast games like MU-Dynamo Kiev and not Lyon-Barcelona.
Posted from
United States -
If you’ve ever needed a clearer indication of how far the United States is from being able to play a truly quality side, look no further than such facts. Lyon clearly has to invest in players wisely, therefore looking for an American or North American player is a waste of time. No US player would scratch their starting side, which would make them useless in the end. The days of Ligue 1 on Fox Soccer are dead and gone, as the French have done the intelligent thing and designed a league around the actual sport. Unfortunately this will only result in a further divide from capitalism, but fuck it, good football is good football, something we rarely get from England or Italy these days. It baffles me to no end how my brothers in blood and name pulled it off, but thank God. Still, a Liverpool fan I will always be and Platini (an Italian by blood no less) can go fuck himself. Cheers.
Posted from
United States
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