LYONOPOLY

Game time!!!

Because I’m bored, here are the latest rumors compressed into a game of monopoly.

Participants: Lyon, Barcelona, Liverpool, Juventus, Chelsea, Lille, Milan, Werder Bremen, and Bayern Munich

Purpose: To get to the Champions League final by making the best transfers.

Lyon: Good afternoon, everybody! I’ll be your banker today. Please roll your dice so we can determine who goes first.

(everyone rolls, Milan get the highest number).

Chelsea: How about I buy that “6″ off you?

Lyon: Chelsea, we haven’t gotten to that part yet. Anyway, go ahead and roll, Milan.

Milan: (lands on Cris, €15million). I’ll buy him. Here’s €15million.

Lyon: That’s €20million.

Milan: But the price says €15million.

Lyon: Inflation, duh. If you’re worried about your budget, you have ten days to convince Claudio Cacapa that Italy is the place for him.

Barcelona: (lands on Eric Abidal, €15million).

Lyon: €20million.

Barcelona: That’s ridiculous.

Lyon: He’s a French international. Experience counts, you know.

Barcelona: How about I offer you Javier Saviola in exchange?

Lyon: How about I offer you a Go to Jail card?

Liverpool: (lands on Chance, misses next turn).

Juventus: *snickers* Liverpool don’t know how to take chances.

Werder Bremen: (lands on Alou Diarra, €6million). Lyon, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll sell you Miroslav Klose, and in exchange, you can give me Alou Diarra and €10million.

Milan: What’s wrong with Klose ?

Bremen: Klose no longer wants to stay with me, and I just can’t afford to keep him.

Bayern: He wants to live on my block. You might as well sell Klose to me.

Bremen: Fuck off.

Chelsea: (lands on Karim Benzema, €25million).

Lyon: €50million.

Chelsea: This is why I hate playing in France. Luxury taxes.

Barcelona: I don’t see why you bother, Lyon. We all know you won’t make it to the final. You always get a Go to Jail card during the quarterfinals.

Lyon: Just for that, I’m adding an extra €5million on the next player you want to buy.

Lille: (ends up in jail) Crap.

Lyon: If you give me Mathieu Bodmer and Kader Keita, I’ll get you out of jail.

Lille: You already own most of France’s best players. You can’t have all of them!

Lyon: Sure I can. That’s why the game is called Lyonopoly. I’ll give you €16million for Keita, which is close to market value, and €8million for Bodmer.

Lille: €25million for my two best players?!?!?

Lyon: I get a discount for being French. (lands on David Trezeguet, €15million). I’ll buy him off you, Juventus.

Juventus: Pfft. Dream on. You can’t afford his yearly wages. (lands on Tiago). But I’ll tell you what. I’ll buy Tiago.

Milan: I want Tiago!

Barcelona: Me too!

Chelsea: Me Three!

Bremen: Chelsea, you’re such a dumbass. You sold Tiago to Lyon, remember?

Chelsea: Oh, right. Then how about Florent Malouda?

Liverpool: But that’s who I wanted! God, stop stealing everyone else’s targets!

Arsenal: Actually, Malouda is mine.

Liverpool: You’re not even in the game!

Arsenal: It’s called having French connections.

Bayern: (lands on Free Parking, collects the extra cash). Yesssss.

Juventus: Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that Bayern is playing with us? They won’t even be in the Champions League next year!

Bayern: Neither is Lille. Anyway, I have money to spend. Let’s see…I’m going to get Klose whether Bremen like it or not, I already got Ribery and Luca Toni…hmm…I wouldn’t mind Alou Diarra. How about it, Lyon? I’ll swap Roy Makaay for him.

Lyon: How about I just give you Sidney Govou for free?

Bayern: No thanks. I wouldn’t want to deprive Fenerbahce.

Milan: (lands on Coupet, €14million). Since I can’t get Buffon…

Lyon: Sorry, he’s not for sale. He just renewed his contract.

Barcelona: (lands again on Abidal, €15million). How does €9million sound?

Lyon: That’s how much Abidal’s backup is worth.

Barcelona: How about €9million for Abidal, plus a jersey signed by Ronaldinho and my half-eaten cookie?

Liverpool: Did anyone ever tell you that you have the shrewd negotiation tactics of a belligerent child?

Barcelona: Did anyone ever tell you that you don’t have any negotiation tactics whatsoever?

Liverpool: Just wait until our negotiation tactics land us Eto’o.

Barcelona: You’ll just end up with Diego Forlan.

Lyon: If you two keep this up, next time I’ll invite Real Madrid and Manchester United instead.

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Category: Champions League, Just for Fun, Player News and Rumors, Transfers