Toulalan…WTF???

By: Inara | November 2nd, 2008

I know I can be annoying with my constant idolization of Jeremy Toulalan, but this time he’s actually done something that has me so horrified and terrified that I had to make a new category just for this post.

Recently, the club had a photo shoot for their 2009 calendar, which naturally features the players. I foolishly thought it’d be something like the Dolce & Gabbana photos for AC Milan. But it turns out that whoever is in charge of creative marketing at Lyon has a very different idea on appealing to the masses.

I’ve seen some previews, and some of the pics look interesting. There is one of Francois Clerc gambling, another of John Mensah posing as a gladiator (he really should have been posing as a hospital patient), and one of Hugo Lloris on top of several cars. But I don’t get the idea behind Toulalan’s. In fact, I don’t even have the words to describe it, so you can see for yourself instead:

A FARMER? Seriously?

And not even a hot farmer! Is “Little House on the Prairie” the best Lyon could come up with? Surely a player like him deserves a scenario a bit more fitting, something that even a person as uncreative as myself can see. God, I don’t know whether to laugh or die in embarrassment.

And to top off the WTFness, in the final third of the video, they do a “portrait” of Toulalan, where they ask him several questions. I’m not at all surprised by the answers, he’s pretty easy to predict (read: he’s a total dork, but a lovable one nonetheless).

Translations (kindly provided by Jo):

- If you were a Stuff ?
- A ball

- A season ?
- Summer, because it’s cool… Making barbecues… cool !

- A dish ?
- Pasta. Because I eat some a lot… and every time.

- An Animal ?
- A dog, a labrador. I like these dogs, they are nice.

- A song ?
- That would a be an old style ! Which ?.. Let’s say Michel Sardou “Rouge”

- A color ?
- Blue because that reminds me the sea

- A noise ?
- The sounds of birds.

- You’re favorite word ?
- When do we eat ??? (laugh) No I don’t know

- Your favorite swear word ?
- “Fais chier” (”that sucks”)

- If tomorrow you could invite to dinner 2 persons on this earth, dead or alive, star or not ?
- My mum and dad. I would also say Fabrice Briand and my godfather

Towards the end of the video, the OLTV staff are speechless as to Toulalan’s taste in music. In case you are curious, here is his favorite song:

Oh Toule, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but maybe you should borrow one of Karim Benzema’s Rohff CDs. Or better yet, just lie the next time someone asks you about your musical choices.

For a guy that’s such a badass on the field, I’m not quite sure what to say about his off pitch personality, but I think we can all agree that he needs a makeover ASAP. And maybe a new publicist as well.

Totally unrelated, but I just downloaded yesterday’s game, and once I watch it, hopefully I will have some of my own comments to share.